The Third Shock… or the First Blunder

Ah, Hezbollah and the Aounist movement. They must have thought they were sitting pretty, like a kid at the candy store. The first shock to their delicate little system came when Joseph Aoun was elected the new president of Lebanon. A second one followed swiftly in the form of Nawwaf Salam, Lebanon’s new Prime Minister, who, you know, just happened to actually win the nomination. But, plot twist: the real kicker is yet to come—the formation of a Cabinet which many hope will not feature a single soul from the Aounist movement or Hezbollah. You know, the ones who’ve spent the better part of a decade digging Lebanon’s grave.

Why is this a shock? Well, because these two groups—Aoun’s crew and Hezbollah—are the dynamic duo of dysfunction. They’ve both perfected the fine art of “vote sabotage” at crucial moments, just to remind everyone that they can destroy something without even trying. The Aounist movement didn’t vote for Joseph Aoun (which would’ve been just too straightforward), and Hezbollah didn’t nominate Nawwaf Salam. Instead, they’ve spent all their time undermining democracy, all so they could look like they still had a say. Classic spoiler move, right?

The magic trick now? Form a Cabinet without these two. We’ve all seen what they’ve done to the country. They’ve been allies in the art of obliterating the state: bringing on the Israeli bombing of the South, Beirut, the Beqaa, and Baalbek; draining the commercial banks and later, the Central Bank for their personal gravy train; and overseeing the slow, painful death of Lebanon’s once-proud infrastructure. At this point, even their own grandmothers might say: enough.

So here’s the challenge, or threat, or provocation, or whatever you want to call it: if President Joseph Aoun and PM Nawwaf Salam don’t use the formation of the Cabinet to boot these political dinosaurs out, then they might as well surrender to the political mafia that has run this show for far too long. Sending the message that “business as usual” will reign supreme would be the ultimate middle finger to the thousands of Lebanese who, for the first time in years, thought that hope might actually mean something again.

And yet, the consequences of excluding Hezbollah and the Aounist movement? Oh, they’ll make noise. Some will say they’ll boycott the state—great, the government can actually get some work done. Others will scream about chaos. Fine, let them. The army might finally have the opportunity to do something other than act as referee between good guys and bad guys. The reality is, the people willing to join the state—whether they’re from Hezbollah’s own ranks or not—will be welcomed. The ones who don’t want in? Well, there’s the door. No one’s forcing them to stay.Think about it for a moment. How does the new team of Aoun-Salam convince the Shia community—many of whom aren’t exactly best buddies with Hezbollah and Amal—to buy into the state? Well, rewarding the people who sold Lebanon’s soul to Bashar al-Assad and Iran might not be the best marketing strategy, but hey, who am I to judge? Let’s just see what Ibrahim al-Amine or the widow of Lokman Slim have to say about that. While we’re at it, what about the Christian independents who didn’t jump on Aoun’s bandwagon? You know, the ones who actually believed in a functioning state and fought any arrangements with or the election of, Michel Aoun? How will they feel about this?

To our eteemed PM Nawwaf Salam, here’s a question: how on Earth are you going to push through critical reforms when the very people who made a sport out of running Lebanon into the ground will be in the Cabinet, making sure they undermine everything that does not suit their special interests? From shady fuel deals to bloated, corrupt bureaucracies, the only thing these people excel at is sucking the life out of Lebanon. How are you going to fix that with them by your side?

To President Joseph Aoun, on whom the nation’s eyes are turned right now, we ask: do you really think you can reward the same people who barred the Lebanese Army from celebrating their victory over ISIS? You know, the ones who vetoed a simple military parade, a small token of respect for the men and women who saved our country under your leadership? And, by the way, while we’re writing this, they’re still violating the ceasefire you swore to uphold, not just before Lebanon, but in front of the entire world.

Here’s the deal: if the Aoun-Salam team, can form a Cabinet with these pirates pyromanics whilst bringing them to heel, forcing them to respect law and order, private property, ceasefire agreement, paying taxes, and abiding by the State’s internal and foreign policies then maybe—just maybe—we can keep pretending that this whole “Lebanese garden salad democracy” is still worth celebrating. If not, then please, go ahead. Form a Cabinet of your choice and at your own images. Rule by law, render justice, stay sober and fair. Let the chips fall where they may.

Lebanon might survive one more failure, but false hope? We’re all out of that.