Lebanese Circus….. At its Best

Ah, Lebanon. The country where everyone has an opinion about everyone else, except their own backyard. It’s truly a marvel of human nature: talk all day about freedom, dignity, and resistance, but when it comes to, you know, actual decisions about the country’s future, suddenly the sovereign will of the Lebanese people is nowhere to be found. Instead, we wait with bated breath for someone in a plush room in Washington, Riyadh, or Brussels to tell us who our next president will be. Fabulous.

Some are self-appointed champions of resistance, defenders of dignity, and critics of every foreign intervention under the sun. That is, unless the foreign intervention comes with a big enough check or a promise of a nice ceasefire. Enter the American-brokered peace process. Remember how Hezbollah fought for years against the Israeli menace (who’s conveniently armed by the U.S., by the way)? Fast forward to today: Hezbollah, which has wantonly sacrificed thousands of young men in the fight against the US-backed Israeli army, has absolutely no problem with the U.S. stepping in to broker a ceasefire, negotiate maritime borders, or—wait for it—determine who will sit in the presidential chair of the very country they just shed blood for. How can they translate that to their masses? No need, the masses will get a check from Iran or the EU or the Central Bank (i.e., taxpayers’ money) and will fall into place.

So here’s a question: how do you reconcile the daily parade of political chest-thumping—everyone from the cab driver to the high-and-mighty elites, all shouting either resistance or sovereignty—and then, when it comes to something crucial, it’s as if the entire country suddenly checks out and decides that whatever happens in a closed-door meeting somewhere in a foreign land is what really matters? Can anyone please explain how this works? Anyone?

And while we’re at it, let’s dive into the Iranian paradox. The Islamic Republic of Iran, the great benefactor of Hezbollah—supplying arms, funding, and, well, everything—seems to have dropped Hezbollah like a hot potato the minute the fighting started. Iran, the supposed puppet-master, pulls the strings for Hezbollah in the war against Israel, but when Hezbollah hits the front lines, what happens? Iraq locks its borders tighter than a Swiss bank vault, Asad tales a late night flight to Moscow and Iran turns its back. Oh, and let’s not forget the Houthis—still in the fight, probably because no one bothered to tell them that the Iran show’s been cancelled. After the Houthis are inevitably silenced (because, really, who’s still buying that Iran is in charge?), what’s left for Hezbollah? A few dollars in their back pocket, I guess. Because dignity and monetary compensation are definitely on equal footing for them. But hey, at least they got the dignity part down, right?

So, what next in the last act of Iran’s play? Norhing. But Hezbollah is still hoping for some sort of subliminal intervention—like an air bridge into Dahyieh, or, better yet, a submarine dropping troops on the shores of Ouzai. Perhaps a parachute drop over the Bekaa Valley to encircle the Israelis from the eastern front. What’s left to do when your so-called allies have abandoned you? At this point, it’s not even a war; it’s just a bad episode of a geopolitical reality show. My guess is, as long as the greenbacks are flowing (maybe not anymore) on board of Mahan Air, then Hezbollah will remain (orally) belligerent.

And then we get to the real star-studded cast of Lebanon’s political scene: the sovereigntists. You know, the ones who cheered “Lebanon First!” after the assassination of Rafik Hariri, and have spent the last 15 years reminding us of their national credentials—because nothing says “patriot” like repeating a slogan every five minutes. You’ve got the Sunnis (leader unknown), Joumblatt, and Geagea all waving the flag of Lebanese sovereignty with one hand while sitting on their hands with the other. Why aren’t they drrecying -in words at minima- the remnants of the Syrian and Iranian elements and calling for their purging from the government, judiciary, and police? Oh right, because it’s politically inconvenient to do so, or because -wait a minute- this could ignite another civil war, as what we have today is a civil conversation?! Apparently, the fact that Israel might be on the opposite side of this little political charade means we can’t possibly benefit from anything that’s come out of it. Forget that it’s actually good for Lebanon—no, if Israel does something that helps us, we’re not allowed to take it. It’s like, I don’t know, Halal but not quite Kosher enough for us to take advantage of it. Makes perfect sense. Just like Hezbollah, many of the sovreigntists are waiting for the green light and the greenbacks from Saudis, Qataris or some other source to get their ‘patriotic’ streak back into full gear.

After all, Gen. Washington -whose pictures adorn the US Dollar- has been the most potent and efficient commander in Lebanon, in living memory.

So there you have it, Lebanon: a country where logic, consistency, and common sense are apparently foreign concepts, and where the most important question isn’t what’s best for Lebanon, but what’s best for everyone else, is up for grabs -or for sale- once again.